Are You Allowing People You Don’t Know to Dictate Who You Will Become?

By Cliff Baird, - Posted on
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One of the most difficult things in life to learn is which bridge to cross, and which bridge to burn.

One of the most freeing things in life to learn is that you don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like you.

Constantly approval-seeking and wanting to please others can set you on a course of self-destruction. You will become estranged from who you really are and who you were created to be. An overwhelming need to be approved, accepted, understood, needed and loved will cause you to be over-compliant, conforming and insecure.

 
 

What Exactly Is Approval-Seeking Behavior?

Unlike people-pleasing, where the person feels ok if someone else is ok, approval-seekers may not actually be ok. Perhaps they want the other person to think they are ok. Instead of the focus being on making others happy, the approval seeker does things so others will like them.

When your day is consumed by approval-seeking, you can lose sight of your own values, opinions and core beliefs. In this state of insecurity, your life begins to feel aimless and void of peace-of-mind. Receiving any disapproval, even for insignificant issues, becomes a painful experience that you spend too much time focusing on.

So, what is the antidote that the approval-seeker wants? More and more approval! Embarrassed at times and fraught with the peril of more self-doubt, the approval-seeker becomes obsessed and it quickly becomes more obvious to others.

 

What Are the Personal Unintended Consequences?

The approval-seeking behavior can start to manifest itself in different ways in your life. Some of these include:

  • Lack of achievement
  • Lack of personal fulfilment
  • Low self-esteem and confidence levels
  • Reduced performance
  • Increased stress                                                                                                                                                         

In an effort to protect themselves emotionally, approval-seekers attempt to convince themselves that they are not pursuing approval and will dispute the obvious evidence. They may argue that these behaviors are used to find the middle ground, to keep the peace, or because the situation is not really that important to them.

Of course, everyone will do this occasionally. However, when these behaviors become your constant modus operandi then a self-destructive pattern has emerged.

 

Check This List of Approval-Seeking Behavior and Analyze Yourself

Here are the 10 most common (take the survey below!). Do you often find yourself:

  1. Changing your opinion to accommodate others in a discussion  _____ YES ______ NO
  2. Being insincere when you flatter someone _____ YES ______ NO
  3. Telling a lie just to stay positively involved in a conversation _____ YES ______ NO
  4. Acquiescing and saying “YES” to an activity when you wanted to say “NO” _____ YES ______ NO
  5. Deliberately scattering gossip around to stay in a clique _____ YES ______ NO
  6. Always asking permission  _____ YES ______ NO
  7. Apologizing unnecessarily after someone disapproves of your opinion  _____ YES ______ NO
  8. Hunting for compliments  _____ YES ______ NO
  9. Feeling annoyed when you don’t receive an appropriate compliment _____ YES ______ NO
  10. Doing bizarre things just to get attention _____ YES ______ NO

Did you answer “YES” to one or more of these questions? Guess what- we have ideas below to help you be more fully YOU and not be so concerned about others’ opinions.

 

Eight Transformational Ideas to Escape from the Pursuit of Approval 

  1. Become your own best friend.  Give yourself what you want from others … APPROVAL!
  2. Stop caring so much about others’ opinions.  REMEMBER … their opinion of you is none of your business. How many times have you had an opinion of someone and changed it when you met them? What someone thinks or says about you is only their perception. Don’t allow anyone to define who you are or what you’re all about.  
  3. You are the best.  Don’t allow anyone to belittle you or disparage you EVER! Treat yourself with respect. Celebrate who you are. You deserve the best that life has to offer.  
  4. Monitor your actions.  Take note of how you act around others. Identify the times you acquiesce to accommodate others. KEEP YOUR DIGNITY. You have the right to being YOU!
  5. Big decision time.   Stop playing a role … you are not acting in a movie … this is your life. Stop denying yourself the respect you crave from others. If you don’t know one else will.
  6. You are one of a kind.  Practice, Drill and Rehearse who you really are. Try it … you will enjoy coming out and viewing your world from a new place. OWN WHO YOU ARE … your world needs you to be you.  
  7. Move to your El Dorado.  Disconnect totally from everyone who dishonors you and isolates you from the respect you deserve. El Dorado is the mythical source of untold riches. Go for the gold. Spend your life with those who care for you and you for them.
  8. Be kind to yourself. Hold on tight to your own tastes, values, ideas and dreams. Take risks, commit and allow yourself to fail. Live life “Your Way!”

 

THE GOOD NEWS

The good news for you is that there is a place in this business that will readily accommodate who YOU are. There is no need to change yourself into someone else’s vision for you. You can be extraordinarily successful as you are.

BUT, it is vital to uncover who you really are and then work with the knowledge of your natural strengths and weaknesses as they relate to the business-building activities which will guarantee your success.

To reach your full potential of greatness you will need to focus on the appropriate skills and techniques to maximize your unique temperament. BE WHO YOU ARE!

 

Have a story to share with us that relates to this article?

We’d love to hear it- just leave a comment below to start the conversation.

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Cliff Baird
Cliff Baird
Cliff Baird's PhD doctoral thesis would ultimately determine his lifelong career. It eventually evolved into a psychological profile called RESTPAC and became a major instrument for predicting the potential performance of real estate sales agents. OREA (Ontario Real Estate Association), made the profile a mandatory licensing requirement for several years. Cliff created a real estate franchise, Neighborhood Realty Group (NRG) and then developed it to over 30 offices from Ontario to the Maritime Provinces of Canada. He also created a recruiting-based new profile, RealSTAR, which is currently in use in many market dominant companies and franchise systems in the USA and Canada, and is a well-known speaker at NAR, for every major Real Estate Franchise in USA and Canada, most large Independent Real Estate Companies and over 45 State and Provincial Conventions.
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6 thoughts on “Are You Allowing People You Don’t Know to Dictate Who You Will Become?”

  1. I thoroughly enjoy being vindicated! Here I thought I was outlandish only to find that I am not the person described in this blog. Helps my confidence that didn’t really need any help but is very much appreciated. Thank you.

    1. Ronald – so glad that our jury ruled in your favour!

      Please be so kind as to LIKE/Share the video AND thank you for you support!

      All Good Wishes,
      michael

    1. Joan I’m torn … if a agree with you then I may send you spiraling down into the abyss 🙂

      Thanks for being an avid supporter!!!

      All Good Wishes,
      michael

  2. As a Realtor for over 35 years, I can see where it becomes so easy to fall into the “want to be liked” category, as we want to please our clients and sometimes go to far to make things work out for them, which in return can backfire and cause further damage to them or us. Lesson learned, Let’s not play God, we cannot make things happen.

    1. So true Carolyn – we need to strive to be the best we can be, flawed as that may be vs a cheap copy of someone else.

      Thanks for the comment!

      All Good Wishes,
      michael

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