One of the most difficult things in life to learn is which bridge to cross, and which bridge to burn.
One of the most freeing things in life to learn is that you don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like you.
Constantly approval-seeking and wanting to please others can set you on a course of self-destruction. You will become estranged from who you really are and who you were created to be. An overwhelming need to be approved, accepted, understood, needed and loved will cause you to be over-compliant, conforming and insecure.
What Exactly Is Approval-Seeking Behavior?
Unlike people-pleasing, where the person feels ok if someone else is ok, approval-seekers may not actually be ok. Perhaps they want the other person to think they are ok. Instead of the focus being on making others happy, the approval seeker does things so others will like them.
When your day is consumed by approval-seeking, you can lose sight of your own values, opinions and core beliefs. In this state of insecurity, your life begins to feel aimless and void of peace-of-mind. Receiving any disapproval, even for insignificant issues, becomes a painful experience that you spend too much time focusing on.
So, what is the antidote that the approval-seeker wants? More and more approval! Embarrassed at times and fraught with the peril of more self-doubt, the approval-seeker becomes obsessed and it quickly becomes more obvious to others.
What Are the Personal Unintended Consequences?
The approval-seeking behavior can start to manifest itself in different ways in your life. Some of these include:
- Lack of achievement
- Lack of personal fulfilment
- Low self-esteem and confidence levels
- Reduced performance
- Increased stress
In an effort to protect themselves emotionally, approval-seekers attempt to convince themselves that they are not pursuing approval and will dispute the obvious evidence. They may argue that these behaviors are used to find the middle ground, to keep the peace, or because the situation is not really that important to them.
Of course, everyone will do this occasionally. However, when these behaviors become your constant modus operandi then a self-destructive pattern has emerged.
Check This List of Approval-Seeking Behavior and Analyze Yourself
Here are the 10 most common (take the survey below!). Do you often find yourself:
- Changing your opinion to accommodate others in a discussion _____ YES ______ NO
- Being insincere when you flatter someone _____ YES ______ NO
- Telling a lie just to stay positively involved in a conversation _____ YES ______ NO
- Acquiescing and saying “YES” to an activity when you wanted to say “NO” _____ YES ______ NO
- Deliberately scattering gossip around to stay in a clique _____ YES ______ NO
- Always asking permission _____ YES ______ NO
- Apologizing unnecessarily after someone disapproves of your opinion _____ YES ______ NO
- Hunting for compliments _____ YES ______ NO
- Feeling annoyed when you don’t receive an appropriate compliment _____ YES ______ NO
- Doing bizarre things just to get attention _____ YES ______ NO
Did you answer “YES” to one or more of these questions? Guess what- we have ideas below to help you be more fully YOU and not be so concerned about others’ opinions.
Eight Transformational Ideas to Escape from the Pursuit of Approval
- Become your own best friend. Give yourself what you want from others … APPROVAL!
- Stop caring so much about others’ opinions. REMEMBER … their opinion of you is none of your business. How many times have you had an opinion of someone and changed it when you met them? What someone thinks or says about you is only their perception. Don’t allow anyone to define who you are or what you’re all about.
- You are the best. Don’t allow anyone to belittle you or disparage you EVER! Treat yourself with respect. Celebrate who you are. You deserve the best that life has to offer.
- Monitor your actions. Take note of how you act around others. Identify the times you acquiesce to accommodate others. KEEP YOUR DIGNITY. You have the right to being YOU!
- Big decision time. Stop playing a role … you are not acting in a movie … this is your life. Stop denying yourself the respect you crave from others. If you don’t know one else will.
- You are one of a kind. Practice, Drill and Rehearse who you really are. Try it … you will enjoy coming out and viewing your world from a new place. OWN WHO YOU ARE … your world needs you to be you.
- Move to your El Dorado. Disconnect totally from everyone who dishonors you and isolates you from the respect you deserve. El Dorado is the mythical source of untold riches. Go for the gold. Spend your life with those who care for you and you for them.
- Be kind to yourself. Hold on tight to your own tastes, values, ideas and dreams. Take risks, commit and allow yourself to fail. Live life “Your Way!”
THE GOOD NEWS
The good news for you is that there is a place in this business that will readily accommodate who YOU are. There is no need to change yourself into someone else’s vision for you. You can be extraordinarily successful as you are.
BUT, it is vital to uncover who you really are and then work with the knowledge of your natural strengths and weaknesses as they relate to the business-building activities which will guarantee your success.
To reach your full potential of greatness you will need to focus on the appropriate skills and techniques to maximize your unique temperament. BE WHO YOU ARE!
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